senoritafish | (no subject)

So, tending to my sick spouse during my week off, fiddling on the 'puter and folding up late Christmas cards, when I happen to catch a familiar voice out of the corner of my ear. It's this show on the History Channel:

The Worst Jobs in History

(I think this is the BBC website - the History Channel didn't have much but a paragraph).

Tony Robinson of Baldrick fame does awful jobs throughout history, including fish wife (which he did in drag), nit picker, and seeker of the dead in one episode. Humorous, if disgusting, although I'm sure there are some jobs just as disgusting today...

Fish wife Symbol: Social outcast

Are you a woman thinking of getting into the commercial fish business? Which of the following sales techniques would suit you?

A 'Excuse me, madam, would you like to buy some fish? We've got a great offer on trout today.'

B 'I said … would you like to buy some fish, you whoremongering stinking cutpurse, mother of an imbecile?'

If you choose technique B, we have just the job for you. Welcome to the world of fishwifery. Now you can verbally abuse your neighbours while making a good living at the fish markets.

However, although hours of pleasure can be obtained from expressing all those pent-up emotions, applicants should be advised that retribution can be severe. Neighbours are at liberty to teach you to hold your tongue by forcing you to wear the scold's bridle or brank – a metal cage for the head with a built-in gag. Some models have spikes that pierce the tongue and some have bells to draw notice to the scold. You are paraded through the streets, which will echo with the sound of your neighbours' jeers and taunts.

Naturally the moment the bridle is taken off, the more spirited of you will let rip a stream of abuse. This, however, can lead to a session on the ducking stool. You are strapped into a seat that is hung from the end of a free-moving arm. At the whim of the operators, you are then dunked into a river or pond once or twice or all day, in front of yet another jeering crowd.

This will almost certainly convince you that a quiet, unassuming lifestyle is for you. However, if you still fancy shouting every now and then, you can always become a member of that jeering crowd.

Petardier's assistant Symbol: Causes death or serious accident

This job will blow you away – literally.

Imagine the excitement of defusing bombs, covered head to toe in high-tech protective clothing, with years of intensive training, risking your life to go in behind police lines and fiddle with complicated fuses and explosives to stop a detonation in time and save the world.

Well, this job is nothing like that – in fact, it's the exact opposite. Picture yourself in flimsy clothes, blind drunk, carrying a bell-shaped gunpowder-filled container of brass or iron fixed to a wooden board – the petard – being shot at by musketeers while you try to reach the enemy's castle gate. You attach the petard to the gate, fiddle with your taper and light the fuse and start to run away, very, very fast, though probably not fast enough or not to one side, away from the direction of the blast.

Now imagine yourself, blown into a thousand bloody bits, flying through the air – hoist with your own petard, as it were … New vacancies are constantly arising.

He also got to be an artist's model, and posed nude for a drawing class.

You can see which of these jobs you're suited for too, using this career guide::

Me:

70 to 100 You’re bold as brass and brave as a lion, but not such a messy pup. You might be prepared to cope with being an Arming squire with its potential for you becoming a knight, but you’re actually ideally suited to some of the high-risk worst jobs such as Topman, Powder monkey, fish-fingered Viking sailor/warrior, outnumbered Riding officer, Petardier's assistant or even Guillemot-egg collector.
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