A response to Talon's slight rant......
Mar. 11th, 2003 07:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
senoritafishI love comics like For Better or For Worse too, and I agree that showing breastfeeding in the comics is a good thing - anything to get it more out in the open, and encourage more new mothers to do it. At one time it was the only way, and it's still the best way. I certainly believe nursing should continue as long as both mom and baby are comfortable doing it.
However, although I didn't see that particular strip, I can relate to it. A lot of us do find it painful, especially in the beginning, and extremely difficult to learn how to do. It still makes me angry how difficult something that is supposed to be completely natural, the most basic part of mothering, is to learn. Flat nipples, recurrent thrush infections, and my awkward, oversized mammaries made things harder. Being told "You're doing it wrong!" would have only served to make a depressed and discouraged mom who has already tried everything - books, other moms, lactation consultants, everything, and it still hurts- more likely to quit. At times, I felt like I was a worthless mom, because I simply could not get the hang of it. I feel like after three children that I nursed for a year apeice I was only beginning to figure it out. I suppose I should say two; I never could get Angus to nurse after he spent the first week in NICU, so I pumped for a year. With Gareth and Avalon, it was a little easier, but we still had a hard time getting established. And then I had to go back to work after eight weeks, and I got a thrush infection which was pure hell, and took forever to heal.
As far as nursing exclusively, that's not always possible either. Since I made more, we made the decision that I would go back to work, and John would be the stay at home parent. I pumped at work, but what I left at home never seemed to last through the day. So, some supplementing was a necessity. While I regretted I couldn't provide for all my children's needs, I figured that something is better than nothing, and with Angus, that the product he was getting was more important than the method of delivery. He still got the same amount of cuddling and loving during feedings.
I guess what I'm trying to say is we all do what we have to do, and what is right for some - exclusive and/or extended breastfeeding - does not work for others. Not only did my kids start losing interest at about a year, when they start eating more solid food, I don't think I would have been comfortable with it for too much longer. My feeling (and this is my feeling about my own family - it does not apply to anybody else's) is that when they're old enough to unbutton your blouse, they're old enough to be feeding themselves. And if Jim is only now having sharing issues, all I can say is he's a much more patient person than my husband. John started getting impatient before the healing period was over (men!).
If this makes me a bad mom, so be it. That's what I suspected anyway. In any case my nursing days are done, for better or for worse. It's been about six months since Avalon stopped, and I miss it, the closeness, the cuddling, sometimes. But it's also nice to have my body back.
However, although I didn't see that particular strip, I can relate to it. A lot of us do find it painful, especially in the beginning, and extremely difficult to learn how to do. It still makes me angry how difficult something that is supposed to be completely natural, the most basic part of mothering, is to learn. Flat nipples, recurrent thrush infections, and my awkward, oversized mammaries made things harder. Being told "You're doing it wrong!" would have only served to make a depressed and discouraged mom who has already tried everything - books, other moms, lactation consultants, everything, and it still hurts- more likely to quit. At times, I felt like I was a worthless mom, because I simply could not get the hang of it. I feel like after three children that I nursed for a year apeice I was only beginning to figure it out. I suppose I should say two; I never could get Angus to nurse after he spent the first week in NICU, so I pumped for a year. With Gareth and Avalon, it was a little easier, but we still had a hard time getting established. And then I had to go back to work after eight weeks, and I got a thrush infection which was pure hell, and took forever to heal.
As far as nursing exclusively, that's not always possible either. Since I made more, we made the decision that I would go back to work, and John would be the stay at home parent. I pumped at work, but what I left at home never seemed to last through the day. So, some supplementing was a necessity. While I regretted I couldn't provide for all my children's needs, I figured that something is better than nothing, and with Angus, that the product he was getting was more important than the method of delivery. He still got the same amount of cuddling and loving during feedings.
I guess what I'm trying to say is we all do what we have to do, and what is right for some - exclusive and/or extended breastfeeding - does not work for others. Not only did my kids start losing interest at about a year, when they start eating more solid food, I don't think I would have been comfortable with it for too much longer. My feeling (and this is my feeling about my own family - it does not apply to anybody else's) is that when they're old enough to unbutton your blouse, they're old enough to be feeding themselves. And if Jim is only now having sharing issues, all I can say is he's a much more patient person than my husband. John started getting impatient before the healing period was over (men!).
If this makes me a bad mom, so be it. That's what I suspected anyway. In any case my nursing days are done, for better or for worse. It's been about six months since Avalon stopped, and I miss it, the closeness, the cuddling, sometimes. But it's also nice to have my body back.
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no subject
Date: 2003-03-11 07:32 pm (UTC)...i nursed dasan for a year and at that point he just basically looked at me and said, "hello mom, i'm a year old now, can you put your top on and give me some bananas?" so i did... doesn't make me a bad mom... at least i don't think it does.
mothers shouldn't be judged by how they feed their children as long as they feed their children in my opinion...
yeah... everyone knows that breastmilk is best, but everyone should know that it's just not always possible... i was lucky, not a problem ever... but i have seen some mamas go through hell and back and still have it not work...
meep... nico stop babbling now :)
no subject
Date: 2003-03-11 08:28 pm (UTC)There are some choices we're lucky to have.
no subject
Date: 2003-03-11 09:12 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-03-12 06:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-03-12 11:53 am (UTC)don't laugh
Date: 2003-03-11 08:48 pm (UTC)Re: don't laugh
Re: don't laugh at you but chuckle at me if ya want :)
g
At this point I'd just like to say...
Date: 2003-03-12 07:53 am (UTC)Ahem.
*blush*
Date: 2003-03-12 09:18 pm (UTC)Nursing in the beginning WAS extremly painful, but the point I was trying to make (badly) that baring certain circumstances (I had a friend with HORRIBLE eczema, know I didn't spell that right, who could nurse her son fine, if she wanted to be in TERRIBLE pain, no matter how correct his latch was)if everything is normal, nursing should not be painful. If it does hurt, and believe me, my little monster drew blood more than once from my cracked, sore, thrushy nipples, something isn't right. I know alot of new mothers who as soon as the first tooth pokes through want to wean because they are afraid that they will get bitten while nursing. If you get bitten, then the baby isn't nursing. *claws way down from the soap box she inadvertently slipped up on*
The point of my rant was that I didn't want new nursing mothers to be scared off my what could be construed as mis-information. It is a big pet peeve of mine.
And I always agree, some nursing is much better than none. I'm very sorry you took my rant somewhat personally senoritafish...it certainly wasn't meant that way...honest!! *big, watery chibi eyes*
Talon
*hides*
Date: 2003-03-12 09:30 pm (UTC)//Being told "You're doing it wrong!" would have only served to make a depressed and discouraged mom who has already tried everything - books, other moms, lactation consultants, everything, and it still hurts- more likely to quit. //
I dunno what I ought to say...honestly...prolly ought to just slink away with my tail 'tween my legs. Believe me, I thought I would have had no problem nursing Ripley, I'd done it before with no trouble even though I only did it for four days (for those who don't know, that was as long as he lived...not trying to depress anybody, just...aww forget it)And I did find out that my troubles weren't caused by anything I was doing wrong, but because she had a poor latch and a disorgnised suck...which is why I TRY to make sure I say, Something's wrong, not You're doing something wrong. Not sure if I did in my rant or not.
Think I will slink off now...sorry for upsetting you.
Talon
Re: *hides*
Date: 2003-03-13 12:09 pm (UTC)I did go look up the strip (this one? (http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archive/03_03/0305.htm), I hadn't seen it since we only get the Sunday paper), something I should have done in the first place, and I see it was not the nursing itself hurting Deanna, but that the baby bit her. Gareth and Avalon both did this at one time or another, and no two ways about it, it hurts. I think she handled it the right way, though, by stopping the feeding, handing her back to Michael and trying not to make a big deal of it; in later strips she was continuing to nurse her. I agree - it's not a reason to stop and we don't want to scare off new moms- and the pain being bitten is small potatoes compared to labor, right? Maybe she could've included something about teaching the baby not to bite.
And I am so, so sorry about your little boy. You have already gone through the worst thing a parent can. I can't even imagine it. *hugs*
Re: *hides*
Date: 2003-03-13 09:36 pm (UTC)Actually, *grins* it was the previous one that set me off...biting is no laughing matter!!! *grins sheepishly in remembrence* I TOTALLY agree with you however, that she did handle it correctly, ect ect ect...
About Rhys...thank you. *hugs back*
Talon
Re: *hides*
Date: 2003-03-13 12:11 pm (UTC)Re: *hides*
Date: 2003-03-13 09:37 pm (UTC)Oh TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!!
Talon "no-touchie!!!"