(no subject)

[senoritafish]

Does anyone else constantly get the niggling feeling that they've sort of inadvertantly horned in on someone else's party, and most of the conversation including the words "everyone" is really not directed at them? Sort of being on the periphery of most things, even though you do try to participate? That someone's eventually going to say, "Hey, why are you here, anyway? We didn't invite you!"

No? Ok.

Comments

[megthelegend.livejournal.com]

Actually I know that one only too well. :( When you feel like you don't have the right to be there, don't belong, someone's gonna find out you're not as (insert characteristic here) as everyone else...

What's made you feel this way?

[senoritafish.livejournal.com]

...or being a buttinsky....Ah, just a life-in-general background feeling, mostly, sometimes just a post on my FL will set it off. I'm ok with people I know well, but different situations with work (espcially the interagency team I work with), socially, even sometimes here at LJ. I really relate to some of your work posts, although I'm not in as much of a leadership position as you seem to be (and which you have my admiration for because I'm not sure I could manage the same). I can usually manage to pretend in spite of it.

Thanks.

[megthelegend.livejournal.com]

I'm way too good at fading into the background & not trying to be part of something because I feel like oh why even try etc. etc. Which is stupid. I'm sorry you can relate to some of my work posts 'cos that shit sucks, doesn't it?!

Ahhh, yeah, I hear ya re being a buttinsky, too. I like to butt in with friends if I think they need support (not so much to give advice, just to give support). But if I get the wrong kind of response (even just something REALLY REALLY tiny and insignificant like they take a nanosecond longer to reply than I expect) then sometimes it'll all start crashing down and I'll think oh shit I'm being a pain in the ass and they're just too polite to tell me to back off, blah blah blah.

I think it's insecurity and social anxiety with me. And it sucks, eh?

Fwiw, you are lovely, and smart, and strong, and you have a right to participate in what's going on around you. I know that doesn't always mean it's actually easy...

[lnorigb.livejournal.com]

when i have that feeling i know i'm just working thru some childhood/highschool shit. and even then it was prolly all in my mind.

so now when i go to group gatherings etc and i have that feeling i just take a second to get all touchy feeling with my broken feelings, give'em a little hug or a pep talk and then tell them to STFU.

that i-don't-belong-here-feeling has been known to happen even at parties i'm throwing. so then i REALLY know its just a broken record. habit, if you will.

savvy?

[senoritafish.livejournal.com]

You're probably right about the childhood/highschool stuff. I know this intellectually. However, do they ever actually STFU? Mine seem to be very loud, and try to shout me down (although I can usually function anyway - it's just uncomfortable).

Pretending just gets tiring sometimes...but thanks.

[lnorigb.livejournal.com]

alas mine never STFU usually i drown them with adult tasty beverages!!

might try that?? =)

~

[mskauri.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do too...or that feeling's sibling the "what are they not telling me??" thing. It's just insecurity--or you picking up on someone else's over-compensating-due-to-insecurity vibe, perhaps.

Don't let it sway you--you're good enough, you're smart enough and gosh darn it, people LIKE you!

[senoritafish.livejournal.com]

Thing is, I'm not all that good at picking up on people's vibes, unless they're being really obvious. I do try not to let it sway me, but it just gets tiring sometimes.

"you're good enough, you're smart enough and gosh darn it, people LIKE you!"
Thanks, it's nice to be reminded of that - I have a hard time believing it sometimes.