Peeking out from under my rock...

[senoritafish]

I seem to have been in an extremely passive mode here at LJ lately. I just realized my sixth anniversary, at least as far as posts, came and went. I have been terrible about commenting lately as well; for some reason, I've sort of gotten switched over to lurk mode, but I'll try to do better about that. So I hope nobody minds comments on older posts - I may have wanted to comment at the time, but was unable to for whatever reason. I have been posting periodically to mylife_onceaday, but I get behind there too, sadly.

Part of it is I have just been pretty boring. I had three weeks off over the holidays, but we went nowhere, did nothing spectacular, so not much to write home about. runsamuck and I seem to be having a lot of fights lately. Nobody wants to hear about those, although they may show up here anyway, mainly because I need to vent. Part of the reason for us being irritable with each other is John has not been feeling well on and off probably since September. He had some recurring bronchitis for some time, occasionally having coughing fits so violent he threw up; around Christmas he took me aside and told me he'd started coughing up pink stuff. I didn't say anything then, but that really worried me - that's what happened to my mother before she passed away. Finally, when he went to the doctor (after much urging), they found he had an upper respiratory infection, also reaching into his eustachion tubes, probably from recurring aspiration of stomach acid when he's asleep. Asthma meds (bronchodilators) that let him breathe also relax other smooth muscle, including esophogeal sphincters. He woke up the other night coughing and retching, having inhaled a bunch of it; he felt he'd narrowly escaped Jimi Hendrix's fate. His doctor phoned yesterday saying he had been reviewing his file, and gave a few further details. Since his bronchi had become infected after being burned with stomach acid, it was probably a sign that his upper esophogeal sphincter may be wearing out. In the next three to five years, he will probably need surgery to replace it; John's first reaction to this was "With what?! I ain't got that many sphincters!" Apparently, it involves removing the damaged ring of muscle and moving the lower one (?) up. I've done a few searches about this but haven't been able to find any details. However, John says he's know someone who's had it, and will find out what to expect. So for now, he's on some antibiotics, and the doctor gave him some samples of Nasonex and other allergy meds.

Here at work, I'm been down in the 'scope room most every day, because the deadline for turning in mackerel ages is coming up. DP finally passed the mackerel otolith reading test a few weeks ago, so I have a little help now (I no longer have the dubious honor of being the only ager on the West Coast anymore, yay!). She's still getting up to speed on the actual aging though; it'll take a bit of time before she's really comfortable with it. As far as Billy & Mandy (no Grim), they just learned sardines, and the consensus between the more experienced readers is that they should be aging them for at least a year before they try learning another, more difficult species. And that's where I should be heading right now - I've got about thirty more to read, but it's nice catching up on all my podcasts that I've gotten behind on too; yesterday I listening to about four episodes of This American Life, and the day before, the same number of Anime Today. I think today it'll just be music. Off to it.

Comments

[calypso72]

Good to hear from you again. runsamuck's health issues sound kind of horrifying.

Just out of curiosity, does he read your blog? I've been thinking a lot lately about people who write about the hairy details of their relationships in lj (and I suppose other places). I'm reluctant to do so - not because D will read it, but for reasons I'm not even sure of myself...

[senoritafish.livejournal.com]

He seems mostly ok during the day - it's waking up at 2 or 3 in morning with him gasping and wheezing (and knowing I can't do much except get him what he needs and stay with him) that's scary.

runsamuck does read this very occasionally, but usually only if I've left the page open on the computer and he always asks permission first, and as far as I know, only when I'm in the room. He's an extreme respecter of privacy, to the point that he has his own journal (for which he'll occasionally dictate an entry for me to enter for him - he's self-conscious of his poor typing), but I don't think he's ever read his friends page. He has this idea that a journal, even an open, online one, is a very personal, private thing, so he has a hard time reading others journals unless he's spoken with them directly. He doesn't get into my backpack or purse either, unless he asks, which always makes me roll my eyes a little. His main beef my journal is I don't talk about him often enough.

I made a "not John" filter in case I needed to rant without him seeing, but I think I've only used it once. Sometimes, I'll make a ranty post and then go back and make it private or delete it, because after a few days sometimes it seems like "Why was that such a big deal?" But occasionally I'll actually email it to him. I tend to express myself better in writing, because if we're arguing, he is so lightning fast with his reasoning I feel I can't respond adequately verbally. I get too emotional and wind up not being able to talk at all. So sometimes LJ is just my way of trying to organize my thoughts so they make sense.

I guess to a lot of us, LJ is the equivalent of telling your life story to the stranger on a plane. Downloading stuff so you can move on to other things. I guess my POV is I started this journal to remember things. And I record the bad stuff along with the good because I guess I feel it wouldn't ring true if I only recorded the positive - although sometimes I feel like I'm creating one long bitchfest. But I feel privileged to read other peoples' stories, and I try to return the favor, however poorly written and pointless mine are.

Perfectly ok to post according to your own comfort level. After all, how well do you really know us, aside from a profile and words that probably aren't telling the whole story, even if there are a lot of gorey details? I know I'm not nearly as private as John, although I do try to stay away from the unsafe details. But I guess my thinking is my relationships, and that relationship in particular, are such a large part of my life that I can't not write about them. Otherwise, there'd be very little here...

Boy, lots of self-justification here; and I realize it went far past what you actually asked. But hope it makes sense. ;)

[archaeomom8.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about his health issues. Hope things improve on that front.

I'm interested in the whole LJ/online privacy deal because I struggle with it myself. I haven't made any fancy filters yet but have thought about a "work" filter for all of the reasons I've mentioned on my journal in the past.

I have had my own hairy times with my spouse over the last several years and have spent plenty of time emailing friends about it, which defused my rantiness enough to keep me from posting stuff on my LJ. Well, that and just ranting to a couple of chosen friends in person. And ranting to him. I *would* post on my LJ about our relationship if I waned to/needed to. I like your idea of a "not husband/partner" filter but I'm not sure I'd use it. My own mate looks at my LJ a few times a year. He doesn't have an account (and would forget his password anyway!) and so he really only sees what's not friends-locked. While I'm terminally (and some might say annoyingly) introspective, he's the opposite. Journals are just not his thing.

Anyway, yes, it all makes sense to me. ;)

[senoritafish.livejournal.com]

Heh. runsamuck only remembers his password because he uses the same one for everything. His last post was over a year ago, when Gerald Ford passed away. When he does look at it, he usually looks at my logged-in page, so I guess the filter is moot. But then I guess I can say I'm not hiding anything from him. ;p

I do make work entries friends only and try to make them only at home - unless its something short and innocuous.

[archaeomom8.livejournal.com]

I guess that's good, eh? We filter our work posts but hold no real secrets from the spouses? ;)

[angelsmum.livejournal.com]

Wow, that sounds totally not-very-nice at all. =(

[senoritafish.livejournal.com]

It's unpleasant, but it could always be worse, so I'm grateful for that at least.

[angelsmum.livejournal.com]

oh definitely.