For the Hormone Hostages
Oct. 1st, 2002 12:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
senoritafishBWAHAHAHAHA! Thanks so much, V., I needed this:
Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Why are you so worked up?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
Top 9 Things PMS Stands For:
1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Pack My Stuff
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid Section
5 People Make Me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Plainly; Men Suck
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE
AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What did you ask me?
Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Why are you so worked up?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
Top 9 Things PMS Stands For:
1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Pack My Stuff
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid Section
5 People Make Me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Plainly; Men Suck
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE
AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What did you ask me?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Hmmm
Date: 2002-10-01 05:53 am (UTC)*ducks behind riot shield*
Ahem.
Re: Hmmm
nowhereeverywhereonly a certain distance.(Then I need chocolate)
BTW, hope you don't think I actually wrote that myself! It was one of those forwards that I actually got a large charge out of.
Re: Hmmm
Date: 2002-10-01 06:26 pm (UTC)byo comments:
Date: 2002-10-01 10:09 am (UTC)Think I am going to have to copy and paste this into my blog! I have been under the influence this past weekend myself!
Re: byo comments:
Date: 2002-10-01 04:50 pm (UTC)Anyhow, I don't suffer from this too much anymore, but I have great sympathy for those of you who do. It's better as I've gotten older, but I used to have to come home from high school, I was in such pain. There is a picture of me in my marching band uniform, where I look quite jaunty in that heavy wool jacket and my shako, big smile plastered on my face. But the truth is my mom had to come to school and pry that sucker off me; I was too out of it to do it myself. I think I went home and threw up afterwards