Preparing to say good-bye...
Jul. 5th, 2004 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
senoritafishI was actually planning to go to Anime Expo today, but alas, my husband spent all the cash we had for the 4th, I don't have an ATM card right now, and the banks are closed today (since the 4th was on Sunday). Pooh. I was feeling a bit guilty about leaving Bob for that long anyway.
Bob does not seem to be in pain, but has not left the bathroom on his own since we brought him home Wednesday. That day, we brought him out in the front yard for some air, since he loved being outdoors, and the kids and I took him for one last walk around the block. He did this under his own power only a week and half ago. I carried him this time. Maybe this was for my own benefit, but he didn't protest being in my arms. Angus took this picture of us - he's becoming quite the photographer.
Since then, I've tried tempting him with fresh sardines I brought home from work, baby food, and some Nutri-Cal type paste that's supposed to stimulate appetites. The only exception was Friday night when Dad brought home some fried chicken. I set aside some small pieces and offered them to him and he actually ate them out of my hand. It was the first thing I'd seen him eat for almost a week. He is still moving around and able to use the cat box, although he's constantly getting weaker. He's always been one to keep us company in the bathroom. It breaks my heart that he is still trying to do that. We come in to use the facilities, and he comes over, lies down and puts his head on my foot. His purr, for now, is as strong as ever, and he still stretches out his neck and ears to be scratched. I want to record it. His fur is just as soft as it ever was. I try to go in every once a while and just sit with him, and pet him. He seems to enjoy it, even if he doesn't want to lay in my lap or on the bed with me.
I've tried to tell the kids. Gareth definitely gets it and he's sad, but being a trooper. Angus is vehemently in denial, which is how he usually deals with these kinds of things. I think Avalon is too little - she understands that Bob doesn't feel well, but still needs to be reminded to be gentle with him. While he was in the front yard the other day, he decided to move over and lie in the shade of the car, in the gutter. I let him, and while I checking some settings on my camera, Avalon went over and put her feet on him. Bob bit her on both heels, hard enough to draw blood - something he's never done before. But we've always told her the cats are allowed to defend themselves, and in any case, they weren't deep. I cleaned them out and bandaged her heels, and she forgave and forgot almost immediately.
I don't know if this is a good idea or not. I was thinking of an episode of the animated version of Star Trek. There was a story where Spock had to time travel to save himself as a child, when he had run away because the other Vulcan children were teasing him. When the young Spock is attacked by a le-matya, his life is saved by his pet sehlat (an animal his mother described as a 6-foot Teddy Bear...with fangs), but was mortally injured in the process. A healer tells the young Spock he is unable to save him, and he will have to make the decision to do the right thing. I was thinking of having the kids watch this to help explain what will happen with Bob, but I can't find my copy of the the tape. I was quite sure I had that one, since it was one of the better episodes.
I also don't know if they should come with to the vet. I don't know if I can handle it myself, despite what I told![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
vampgyrl after she lost her dog.
I know I'm going to have to say good-bye soon. It's so hard to let go of such a dear friend.
Bob does not seem to be in pain, but has not left the bathroom on his own since we brought him home Wednesday. That day, we brought him out in the front yard for some air, since he loved being outdoors, and the kids and I took him for one last walk around the block. He did this under his own power only a week and half ago. I carried him this time. Maybe this was for my own benefit, but he didn't protest being in my arms. Angus took this picture of us - he's becoming quite the photographer.
Since then, I've tried tempting him with fresh sardines I brought home from work, baby food, and some Nutri-Cal type paste that's supposed to stimulate appetites. The only exception was Friday night when Dad brought home some fried chicken. I set aside some small pieces and offered them to him and he actually ate them out of my hand. It was the first thing I'd seen him eat for almost a week. He is still moving around and able to use the cat box, although he's constantly getting weaker. He's always been one to keep us company in the bathroom. It breaks my heart that he is still trying to do that. We come in to use the facilities, and he comes over, lies down and puts his head on my foot. His purr, for now, is as strong as ever, and he still stretches out his neck and ears to be scratched. I want to record it. His fur is just as soft as it ever was. I try to go in every once a while and just sit with him, and pet him. He seems to enjoy it, even if he doesn't want to lay in my lap or on the bed with me.
I've tried to tell the kids. Gareth definitely gets it and he's sad, but being a trooper. Angus is vehemently in denial, which is how he usually deals with these kinds of things. I think Avalon is too little - she understands that Bob doesn't feel well, but still needs to be reminded to be gentle with him. While he was in the front yard the other day, he decided to move over and lie in the shade of the car, in the gutter. I let him, and while I checking some settings on my camera, Avalon went over and put her feet on him. Bob bit her on both heels, hard enough to draw blood - something he's never done before. But we've always told her the cats are allowed to defend themselves, and in any case, they weren't deep. I cleaned them out and bandaged her heels, and she forgave and forgot almost immediately.
I don't know if this is a good idea or not. I was thinking of an episode of the animated version of Star Trek. There was a story where Spock had to time travel to save himself as a child, when he had run away because the other Vulcan children were teasing him. When the young Spock is attacked by a le-matya, his life is saved by his pet sehlat (an animal his mother described as a 6-foot Teddy Bear...with fangs), but was mortally injured in the process. A healer tells the young Spock he is unable to save him, and he will have to make the decision to do the right thing. I was thinking of having the kids watch this to help explain what will happen with Bob, but I can't find my copy of the the tape. I was quite sure I had that one, since it was one of the better episodes.
I also don't know if they should come with to the vet. I don't know if I can handle it myself, despite what I told
vampgyrl after she lost her dog.I know I'm going to have to say good-bye soon. It's so hard to let go of such a dear friend.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
my condolences
Date: 2004-07-05 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-05 06:34 pm (UTC)I can only tell you what I did when my beloved Tiger had to be put to sleep because of congestive heart failure.
I had to be with her for the end. There was no 'ifs', 'ands' or 'buts' in the matter. I had been with her since only a few days after she was born and I was not about to let her go to the next life without being there for her.
Okay, I am crying now.
I wanted her to leave this life knowing I was there with her and for her. I repeatedly whispered 'I love you' in her ear so she heard me and I am the one who held her through the process.
The following year I did the same thing with my mother's beloved cat, Mittens, who was Tiger's daughter, because Mittens was having mini-strokes every few days. My mother just could not go in but she wanted someone Mittens knew and trusted with her. So I have done this twice and yes, it was very difficult. But I felt it was important for the two of them to know someone was with them who loved them.
So my choice would be to be there for Bob. Only you can make the choice, and please know whatever choice you DO make, it is the right choice for you. If you cannot be there, it IS okay.
I wish I could be there for you right now. We could cry together.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-05 08:07 pm (UTC)I look at him curled up on the towel in the bathroom, with his head upside down like he does when he's sleeping comfortably, and I wonder if it would be so bad to let him die at home, among sounds and smells that he knows. But I can't know for sure whether he's in pain or not, either. I want to do right by him.
Sigh.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-05 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 08:39 am (UTC)It's so hard to work through this sort of thing yourself, how does one make sense of it to children? Or maybe, trying to get it across to your kids will help you work through it yourself.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 08:19 pm (UTC)I guess that position (http://www.livejournal.com/users/senoritafish/29461.html) is open. *sad smile*